Everything is connected

Two hearts fading, like a flower.
And all this waiting, for the power.
For some answer, to this fire.
Sinking slowly. The water’s higher.
Desire

With no secrets. No obsession.
This time I’m speeding with no direction.
Without a reason. What is this fire?
Burning slowly. My one and only.
Desire

You know me. You don’t mind waiting.
You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying,
That you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me,
That you run and never tire.

Desire

Figure me out. Or not! You are not supposed to understand any of this.We have gone to making no sense to making less sense and taken a step backwards but everything happens eventually. Jaded, broken yet still thriving and aspiring towards something more.Wishes might looks like wishes until they come true. And they usually happen on worst possible times. Deal with it! What's next? Self-deception through deflection? Ha, if you understood any of this. Power to you! Makes all sense in my head.

The Space Between The Wiced Lies We Tell

Ha! You don't want to know! 

Text Analysis, Phonetics, Practical Grammar, German, Writing Course- all in one session. I kind of sense failure coming but I try really hard to change that. Speaking of which. Something feels different. Funny. Only I am capable of finding myself a nw fa band at 2.30 am. Crazy! Can't seep lately until 3am-ish and then I wake at 9 ish. So not healthy. 

To many shows to watch: Glee, House, Bones, Private Practice, Brothers&Sisters, CSI: NY!

And keepin' on keepin' on! Because really there us no other way.

Uhm ...Wait! What?

Can I go back? Back to not having responsibilities, back to being a kid? I think my grown-up time is over, I don't want to do this anymore. Deadlines..... there are deadlines for everything. Feel like I am failing again and I am starting to give up hope that I could ever be able to do anything else than fail. People think I am capable... I believed them.... I still want to believe... bu I can't.

You look in the mirror
But you don't like what you see
Whoever it is you think you are today
That's not who you want to be
The grass is looking greener
In that field across the road

 And I cannot meet the expectations others set for me, not to mention the expectations I set for myself. Pathetic really.Bittersweet too, sometimes. 

Sick and tired again. Seems it's my permanent state of mind . I f-ing hate this all.

Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven

They're all wasted!